From Stress to Smiles at Holiday Gatherings
Tips to navigate and enjoy family holiday gatherings
Many people groan rather than look forward to time with relatives. Remember, relatives are people, too! While dynamics may not change instantly, you can make a big difference – at least for yourself – by following a few simple tips. You really can go from stress to smiles.
Words said in an unwise moment can cause grudges and hurt feelings that linger. We can make choices for ourselves to actually enjoy these gatherings, and perhaps be agents for change.
Here are some tips:
Set the tone for your day with meditation
Meditation connects us with our inner calm and helps us keep Calm with us throughout the day. Did you know that just a few minutes a day makes a big difference? Meditation changes the way we respond to stress – for the better. Arriving in a peaceful state of mind goes a long way. Try this visualization:
Before the festivities, take a few minutes to sit quietly. Close your eyes. Consciously relax your breathing. Picture each person who will be there. Call to mind something good about each one, something you like about them. Notice if you feel any resistance around a specific person. If you feel resistance, try and release it. If you can’t let it go, know that it is helpful to be aware of that resistance. It may change how you behave with that person. Visualize how you want the gathering to go. Picture happy conversation, laughter. Mentally bless each person, and bless yourself.
Food for Thought
Try these tips and let me know how they work for you.
2016 Election Nerves
The presidential election of 2016 introduced a heightened level of stress that sent people to therapists. The election provoked not only anxiety – it often obliterated civility in our discussions. While religion and politics are off-table topics, don’t be surprised if the election is mentioned at the table. Realize that nerves are still raw – no matter how you voted.
Seventy-seven percent (77%) of Americans think our nation is divided. Here are some ways to keep the discussion civil and your family united:
- Set some ground rules. For example, agree that each person will treat others and be treated with respect; that the discussion will be rational, not emotional; that voices will speak in normal tones, not raised in anger/frustration; that each person be allowed to state his/her position without interruption; and that no one will talk over anyone else. Gently remind speakers of the rules if anyone goes astray.
- Seek common ground
- Agree to disagree
- If children are at the table, remember that you are setting an example for children on how to handle disagreements and discussion of sensitive topics. This applies to children of all ages.
- Remember that “blood is thicker than water – and it stains.” Don’t spill any.
- Have realistic expectations – Do your best not to judge. Accept people as they are. No one is perfect, including us (hard as that may be to believe). People don’t often change, but we can change how we interact with them. A change in your attitude will make a difference – even if only for you at first.
- Unplug your hot buttons. Some people seem to be experts at pushing our hot buttons. Remember, you have the choice to stay calm. For many of us, tact is a rare virtue.
- Simply refuse to let things get under your skin. Make this your intention for the day. Do yourself a favor – unplug the hot buttons.
- Keep your sense of humor – let things slide. If you think your family is dysfunctional, “Keep the FUN in dysFUNctional.” Your family is like many others.
- Wear a “Teflon suit” – don’t let anything nasty stick to you. Brush it off. You know who you are – and it’s not what others may say about you.
- Practice compassion for each person – and for yourself. Keep in mind that no one is perfect. We can accept people for who they are – difficult as that may be at times. People say dumb or inconsiderate things at times. They may not be aware how their remarks are received. In fact, they may be the ones hurting. Be generous – give them the benefit of the doubt.
- Be the person you want to be. Choose to be positive. Be pleasant. If the situation really starts to go south, politely excuse yourself and find more pleasant surroundings. Don’t allow yourself to be caught up in negativity.
- Choose to be happy rather than right. The late, great Tom Magliozzi of NPR’s Car Talk said his rule for marriage was that in arguments with his wife, he would rather be happy than right. Tom’s rule applies to family settings, too. Wise man, that Tom.
- As the host or hostess, relax. Remember that the ones around your table are more important than what is on it. I often made myself crazy trying to get everything right. Then I relaxed and accepted that the only thing I have in common with Martha Stewart is that we are both from New Jersey. It seemed that my guests were more relaxed when I was. Rather than trying to be perfect, be welcoming, relaxed, and loving. Make Love the secret ingredient in every dish you serve (even potato chips). It won’t be lost on your guests. Finally, enjoy yourself.
Food for Your Body
Turkey, sweet potatoes, and pumpkin help our bodies defend against stress. The gravy, marshmallows, and whipped cream, of course, are delicious! Enjoy!
Blessings and Cheers!
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